First Things First
by Jessica Stancil
I am burdened and heavy-hearted right now for several couples (both friends and family) who are separated or going through a divorce. It is without a doubt one of the saddest things to watch…. people you deeply care about who are willing to call it quits on their marriage.
One of Satan’s best ways of destroying the church is to attack and ultimately destroy marriages. I am currently reading a book entitled Staying Close by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. It is about stopping the natural drift toward isolation in marriage. The Raineys state in the book, “Because of the alarming number of good marriages unaware of this problem, this book is based on a single premise: Your marriage will naturally move toward a state of isolation. Unless you lovingly and energetically nurture and maintain your marriage, you will begin to drift away from your mate. You’ll live together, but you will live alone.” I recommend that every married couple read this book!
My husband and I have an almost 3 year old and both of us stay very busy with our jobs. Let’s face it. Life is hard and demanding and busy. However, if you are a parent the biggest gift you can give to your child is to have a healthy, godly marriage! That must come first in your life right behind your relationship with the Lord. Having a godly marriage must be a top priority in your life or it will be too easy to let other things get in the way and destroy it. My husband and I recently sat down and set up a type of schedule for our weeknights for after Caroline goes to bed. I know to some people this sounds crazy but if our marriage is going to be God-honoring… then we must be committed to doing whatever it takes to make that happen. We decided that of the five week nights we have to work with, we would intentionally plan some together time on three of those nights….leaving the other two nights for things that will come up and things WILL come up!
*One night a week will be date night. We will get a sitter and go out on a date with each other. This night could change from time to time but ours is typically on Friday night.
*One night a week will be game night. Once we do dinner, bath, etc. (the nightly routine with kids) then the two of us will play a game together or watch a basketball game together.
*One night a week will be share night. (again, after we put Caroline to bed) This is an uninterrupted time of sharing with each other what’s on your heart. It may be about what God is showing you in your priority time, about a book you are reading, etc. You’ll find there is plenty to share once you start talking.
Like I said this may sound too rigid for some but we need the structure and without it other things just creep in like watching too much TV, Facebook, etc. I struggle with these things just like everyone else so if I put some structure in place then I can sill enjoy them but also have a healthy marriage.
Topics: Marriage, Priorities
Jessica,
Good insights. thanks for sharing and helping lead the way with a God-honoring marriage! AS
Thanks for your honesty. This is a hard issue in a dual-career family, and probably any family. If we don’t schedule the time, it doesn’t just appear, does it? There is always work to be done…..but this has to be a bigger priority than getting the floors scrubbed. It has much larger ramifications, and a much greater reward!! Thanks Jessica!!!!!
I agree, Jessica! We have to be intentional about our marriages. It’s easy to scratch off that last thing on the “to-do list” and forget to put our spouse on that list. Loving the Share Night idea too. As women, we need to share what is on our hearts with our husbands and to hear what is on theirs. Thanks for your sharing!